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Pathways and New Channels

I have walked on the same pathway for 20 years. 

I adore this trail.

 It undulates and curves through a north-facing Woodland in the Sierra Foothills of California. The narrow track is really a cow trail that I follow from one pasture, across a creek, through woodland, to emerge in another pasture. Its quiet, gentle nature provides a little sanctuary for me. A pause from the hectic pace of modern life. 

I say hello to my friends along the way. There’s a beautiful rock that is of the igneous type directly across the cold water creek. Leaning away but towering over this gray dense rock is a majestic alder tree. The alder cast long shadows upon shadows upon the creek in the heat of the summer. After I cross the creek I walk along until I reach my oak tree friend. She is a tall black oak that leans north away from her brothers and sisters to get a solar advantage. Just before the end of my journey, I look to my left to say hello to the stately  Ponderosa. It towers above filling the air with a sappy sparkle. Pieces of its puzzle bark blanket the edges of the path. Finally, the sun warms my face as I step out of the forest canopy into a wide 4-acre pasture.

I must access this trail. I need to access this pathway for my physical and emotional well-being.

Difficult Journeys

But the journey has become extremely difficult. 10 years ago I could sort of fake it and stumble my way through the Woodlands bumping my head on trees, tripping on rocks, and bashing into branches. I even started using a bicycle helmet to protect my head from all the pumps and thumps.

I have found a way to access this trail and want to share what I have learned about myself so I can take this daily journey.

Twenty years ago I was diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa. (about me) It is a degenerative eye disease that is inherited. Then I could tell that my vision was different from other people but I was able to fake it and make it work for me. It has not always been an easy journey. I was in denial of my eye condition for many years. Then I was angry. I kicked my rock and shouted at my trees. The fear of darkness overwhelmed me. 

But I emerged from these phases feeling hopeful because I was given tools by my Orientation instructor. She gave me the freedom to explore my world differently. She also demonstrated to me various techniques for holding my cane, listening to sounds, orienting myself towards the sun, and feeling spaces around me. 

My old pathway has become a new old friend. I am excited to explore new aspects of her using other parts of my being. My beloved rock is now a source of sound for me. She also tells me of her density as I tap my foot against her. What joy to take the time to feel her weight. She is deeply resting on this earth.

The tap, tap, tap of my cane feels spongy and communicates a muted dirt sound wave. Exploring the woods like this has given me a new direction in life. I am creating new pathways and connections to explore here in my body and brain. 

Metaphore For Change 

I get off the pathway easily. I mistake sounds and feelings. But every day I gain more information and some confidence in myself. 

Navigating this path in the woods is just like the many new nerve pathways I am beginning to forge in my body. I must learn a new way of being. Mainly without the use of sight.

This is terrifying. I am sure it is or was terrifying to you. But our bodies are designed for change. Just like a path in nature. If a tree falls and blocks its passage one walks around the tree to create a new approach. 

Creating A New Approach

This blog is all about the journey to create new approaches to living. 

This blog will be a space where I want to share my journey in hopes that it will help you on your journey in healing yourself.